Megan Phelps-Roper

Megan Phelps-Roper was born in Topeka, Kansas, on January 31, 1986, and is the eldest daughter of Shirley Phelps-Roper and Brent Roper.[1][2] Her grandfather is Fred Phelps, who founded the Westboro Baptist Church.[3][4] She was raised in the church and lived in a compound that included the church building, houses for members, adjoining backyards, a trampoline, a running track, a playground, and a swimming pool, all surrounded by a tall fence.[1]

Megan Phelps-Roper was raised in the Westboro Baptist Church. The church sign is pictured here.

Every Sunday, Phelps-Roper's family attended her grandfather's service and listened to him preach what he claimed was a strict interpretation of Calvinist doctrine.[1][4] Church elders encouraged the children to memorize Bible passages that the church used to justify the group's protests and provide counter-arguments to people who disagreed with them.[5] Phelps-Roper has stated that the church's strict beliefs were reinforced through this training and that, "as a child, it is physically beaten into you".[6][7] Despite describing herself as an obedient child who worked hard to win the approval of her parents, she was regularly spanked during her childhood and teenage years.[1][8] During her youth, Phelps-Roper felt happy that she was close to her extended family members, both in her relationships and her physical proximity to them. She also felt a sense of purpose and comfort from having a supposedly scriptural solution to every problem.[8]

At age 13, Phelps-Roper's grandfather baptized her into the Westboro Baptist Church. The ceremony, which took place in the compound's swimming pool, included a profession of faith and concluded with Phelps-Roper becoming a full member of the church.[3]

In middle school, Phelps-Roper made friends who were not affiliated with the church and participated in extracurricular activities such as track,[1] volleyball, and musical theatre.[9] As an adult in the church, she was described as having acquaintances, but no real friends, outside of the group.[3] Her parents forbade her from having romantic relationships with non-members of the church, and Phelps-Roper believed that she would never be married, because she was related to most church members.[1]

After graduating from Washburn University, Phelps-Roper worked at her family's law firm, Phelps Chartered, as a business administrator. She also appeared as a regular guest on the Kansas City morning show Afentra's Big Fat Morning Buzz.[3] In 2011, Phelps-Roper appeared in Louis Theroux's documentary America's Most Hated Family in Crisis, in which she described her contact with four Dutch filmmakers. After watching the documentary, her father insisted that she block the filmmakers on Twitter and limit her time on the social media platform. Phelps-Roper complied, reasoning that removing her focus from earthly matters would increase her spirituality. During this period, her mother was accused of not following church doctrine, and Phelps-Roper replaced her as the scheduler for the church's picketing demonstrations.[1]

While attending public school, Phelps-Roper was exposed to pop culture and to ideas which contradicted her beliefs.[1] At her baptism, Phelps-Roper began doubting the Westboro Baptist Church's theology. The friendships she made at her local public school caused her to believe that her fellow students were not evil, contrary to the church's claims.[9] In 2009, her family celebrated the death of Brittany Murphy; Phelps-Roper felt an emotion closer to sadness, increasing her doubts about her church's doctrine. She did not release a celebratory post on Twitter, as she had done with other celebrity deaths, and disagreed with the church's happiness over celebrity deaths and other events that were perceived as tragic to people outside their group. A person with the alias C.G. discussed these events with Phelps-Roper online and asked her to consider the response of family members of a deceased person to her church's joy. In 2011, Phelps-Roper burst into tears after seeing a photograph of a malnourished child living through the Somalia famine. Her mother created a blog post praising God for the drought; Phelps-Roper believed that was the incorrect response.[1]

As an adult, Phelps-Roper continued doubting the church's doctrine and noted contradictions within the church's beliefs. The first inconsistency was outlined by David Abitbol, a Jewish Twitter user whom Phelps-Roper publicly contacted to encourage him to repent of his sins.[1] Phelps-Roper's mother was not married to her first son's father when the child was born. This is considered a sin in the Westboro Baptist Church, which believed that the appropriate punishment for out-of-wedlock birth is the death penalty. Church elders stated that Shirley had repented for her sins and was forgiven by God, but Abitbol pointed out that she could not repent for her sins if she were punished with death.[9] Phelps-Roper stopped carrying signs which called for the death penalty for sins but stopped communicating with Abitbol so that he could not further challenge her beliefs.[1]

Another point of contention for Phelps-Roper was how decision-making within the church changed.[6] Previously, the church had employed a consensus decision-making model, and women had influential roles in this process. In 2011, a council of nine male church elders met separately from other members and decided to make church decisions by themselves. Later, a member was asked to leave the church by a majority vote instead of unanimous consent. Phelps-Roper felt that both events violated the church's interpretation of scripture and went against the group's concept of leadership.[10][1] Female members were encouraged to submit to their husbands and fathers, and Phelps-Roper was barred from wearing colorful nail polish and clothing that her brother or father considered immodest. She rebelled against these changes because other members were given more leeway in their clothing choices by their fathers or husbands.[1]

Church members photoshopped images and falsely claimed that they protested the Royal Wedding in the United Kingdom and Whitney Houston's funeral. Phelps-Roper did not want to post these images on her Twitter feed but was pressured to do so by church elders. When Twitter users saw the doctored photos, she agreed that church members had committed the sin of bearing false witness.[10] She thought that if church members lied about these protests, they could also be wrong about their church's doctrine[6] and their belief that God was guiding the church.[5]

Phelps-Roper considered leaving the church in April 2012 when the song "Just One" by Blind Pilot played on her stereo. She was reminded of her conversations with C.G., and the chorus's lyrics caused her to question the church's preaching tactics. She disclosed her thoughts to her sister Grace, who convinced her to stay in the group. They shared their beliefs and doubts with each other and continued discussing plans for leaving the church. Phelps-Roper withdrew from picketing and speaking to reporters, fearing that her doubts would be revealed.[1]

She contemplated staying in the church and pretending to follow their beliefs, but quickly rejected this idea.[6] In November 2012, Brent Roper confronted Grace about a relationship she was having with another church member. During this discussion, Phelps-Roper encouraged her sister to leave the church with her, and they announced their intention to their parents. The two sisters stayed one night in Topeka in the basement of a former teacher before moving into their cousin's home in Lawrence, Kansas.[1] She publicly announced that she had left the church after finding out about the church's planned protest of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. She stated that she did not want others to believe that her lack of response to the protest constituted tacit agreement with the church's actions.[8][11]

When Abitbol discovered that Phelps-Roper and her sister had left the church, he invited them to visit Los Angeles. They stayed at the home of a Hasidic rabbi and his family and discussed theology with them.[12] They moved to South Dakota after visiting the Black Hills.[1]

Phelps-Roper has limited contact with family members who are still part of the Westboro Baptist Church. She reaches out to relatives through Twitter but does not receive responses. She also uses Twitter to monitor changes in the church's beliefs and to learn new information about her family members' personal lives.[6] Phelps-Roper also leaves cards and notes for her family at their home when she is in Topeka.[13]

She is married to Chad Fjelland, an attorney whom she met through Twitter while advocating for the Westboro Baptist Church.[14][5] She kept her maiden name to, as she describes, "reform the legacy of the name".[13] Her daughter, Sølvi Lynne, was born in 2018.[5][15]

In 2019, Phelps-Roper appeared in Louis Theroux's third documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church, Surviving America's Most Hated Family. During the taping, Theroux told Phelps-Roper that two of her siblings were engaged to be married, which caused her to be upset. Theroux was criticized for including this scene in the documentary, with one reviewer stating that the revelation exploited Phelps-Roper's emotions and was uncomfortable to watch.[16] Phelps-Roper defended Theroux's inclusion of the footage, stating that she wanted her family members to see her unfiltered reaction to this information.[17]

In October 2019, Phelps-Roper released the book Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope. This memoir details her upbringing in the Westboro Baptist Church and her decision to leave her community and family.[8][13][6] The book started as an essay that she wrote to her husband, detailing her childhood and how the two of them met. She sent the essay to a friend, who encouraged her to write the book.[18]

Megan Phelps-Roper protested with the Westboro Baptist, employing similar tactics to church members in this image.

Phelps-Roper participated in the church's protests against homosexuality when she was five years old, before she could read the signs she carried.[19] Early pickets took place in Gage Park, Topeka, as part of her grandfather's campaign to stop homosexuals from allegedly engaging in sexual intercourse at the park.[1] She participated in protests related to significant historical events, including the funeral of Matthew Shepard, the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, and the AIDS pandemic.[13] She also picketed her public school during lunchtime,[20] and local sporting events.[19]

Megan Phelps-Roper appeared with her family on the Howard Stern Show, pictured here in 2004.

At 11, Phelps-Roper gave her first live interview to radio DJs, who had called her house wanting to interview her mother. When interviewers wanted the perspective of a younger member of the church, her mother would often have them interview Megan.[1] She participated in interviews with local news stations, documentary filmmakers, and national talk shows, including The Howard Stern Show.[21] Reporters and documentary filmmakers also came to her home to speak with her.[10] At 13, Phelps-Roper was debating Westboro Baptist Church skeptics in the church's chat rooms[8] and was an active member of the church's logistical and legal operations.[2]

In 2008, Phelps-Roper joined Twitter but became an active member in 2009 after someone asked if the church was using the service.[1] Phelps-Roper preached the church's doctrine to celebrities and prominent users of the platform.[9] She liked using Twitter because it allowed her to share theology directly with people, instead of through a reporter.[1] She used a softer tone on the platform than she did during interviews, because she wanted to avoid ending conversations after insulting other users or having conversations side-tracked by angry responses.[22] Her strategy on Twitter was to counter angry responses with Bible verses, pop culture references, and emojis. Then, she would engage in civil conversation to understand the others' viewpoints and explain her own.[21] She justified this change in tone with a Biblical proverb, "By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone." (Proverbs 25:15)[1]

In the late 2000s, Phelps-Roper sent messages to prominent Jewish Twitter users, calling for them to repent and stop their Jewish rituals before they were sent to Hell. David Abitbol responded by asking questions about her beliefs and engaging in theological discussions.[6] This led them to have regular conversations online and to exchange gifts at events that Abitbol was attending and that Phelps-Roper was protesting.[21]

In 2010, Phelps-Roper filed a lawsuit claiming that Nebraska's law against desecrating the American flag infringed on her free speech rights.[23] A federal judge overturned the law, and Phelps-Roper was awarded $8,000 for her attorney fees, paid by the state of Nebraska.[24]

Phelps-Roper and her family created parodies of pop-culture songs to spread Westboro Baptist Church's theology. One of their most popular parodies was "Ever Burn", based on the Lady Gaga song "Telephone".[25] The parody, sung by Phelps-Roper, changed the lyrics to claim that God will not listen to Lady Gaga's prayers and that she will be sent to Hell.[26]

Since leaving the Westboro Baptist Church, Phelps-Roper has reconnected with Abitbol, who convinced her to atone for, and fix, her mistakes, introducing her to a Jewish concept called tikkun olam, which involves working to improve the world. She is now committed to reaching out to people whom she affected during her time with the group, including Jewish communities, homosexuals, and the families of soldiers.[6] Phelps-Roper has traveled around the United States to speak with groups she had previously protested.[9] She spoke at the Jewlicious Festival in Long Beach, California, at the invitation of David Abitbol[1] and accepted a one-month engagement with the Jewish community in Montreal in 2013,[27] where she visited religious-studies classes at Concordia University and spoke at a Jewish cultural festival.[28] In October 2015, she spoke at the Anti-Defamation League's Youth Leadership Conference.[29]

Phelps-Roper has appeared in various media formats to promote her new values and beliefs. In January 2017, she presented a TED talk discussing her experiences growing up within the church and her journey towards her decision to leave.[21] In June 2017, she appeared on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast[30] and in 2018 appeared in the first episode of I Love You, America with Sarah Silverman.[31] She is a member of Twitter's Trust and Safety Council and advocates overcoming disagreements between political and religious groups.[10] She works with law enforcement agencies to give her perspective on deradicalizing members of extremist organizations and on counterterrorism.[5][32]