I Hate Myself and Want to Die

"I Hate Myself and Want to Die" is a song by the American grunge band Nirvana, written by vocalist and guitarist Kurt Cobain. It was first released in November 1993 on the compilation album The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience.

For the book, see I Hate Myself and Want to Die (book).
"I Hate Myself and Want to Die"
2014 limited Record Store Day promo
Song by Nirvana
from the album The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience
A-side"Pennyroyal Tea"
ReleasedNovember 23, 1993 (1993-11-23)
RecordedFebruary 1993
StudioPachyderm, Cannon Falls, Minnesota
GenreGrunge
Length2:42
LabelGeffen
Songwriter(s)Kurt Cobain
Producer(s)Steve Albini

The song was also sanctioned to be released as a B-side to the band's "Pennyroyal Tea" single, but the single's original release was cancelled after Cobain's death in April 1994. In April 2014, the single was finally released on limited edition 7-inch vinyl for Record Store Day, and reached number one on the Billboard Hot Singles Sales chart.[1][2]

History and recording

"I Hate Myself and Want to Die" was never performed live, and is survived by only two known versions, both recorded in the studio. The first is a demo recorded in January 1993 by Craig Montgomery at BMG Ariola Ltda in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The second and final studio version was recorded by Steve Albini at Pachyderm Studios on February 15, 1993, during the recording session for the band's third and final album, In Utero.[3] Originally titled "2 Bass Kid",[4] the song was represented by a fish symbol on the tape box for the album.[5]

It missed inclusion on In Utero, which was released in September 1993, with Cobain later explaining that there were too many "noise" songs on the album.[6] The song instead appeared as the opening track on the compilation album The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience, released in November 1993. It featured an introduction by Mike Judge, voicing the titular characters, as well as commentary at the end, with the characters declaring that the song "kicked ass" and "ruled". The band was given $60,000 by their record label, Geffen Records, for the song.[4] The Beavis and Butt-head Experience compilation album has since been certified 2x Platinum in the U.S.[7]

The song was set to be released as a B-side to the "Pennyroyal Tea" single in April 1994, but the single was recalled following Cobain's death that month, possibly because of the song's title.[8] The single was finally released in April 2014, as part of Record Store Day.[9]

I Hate Myself and Want to Die was also a working title for In Utero.[10][11] According to Tom Mallon of Rolling Stone, Cobain abandoned the title due to fear that the dark humor of the title would be lost on some critics and fans,[12] and after being convinced by Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic that the band might end up with lawsuits if Cobain stuck with the original title.[13] Cobain changed the album's title to Verse Chorus Verse, and then two weeks later to its final title of In Utero. In an October 1993[14] interview with David Fricke of Rolling Stone, Cobain explained that he meant the title "as literally as a joke can be", calling it "funny" and claiming it was a reference to the public perception of him "as this pissy, complaining, freaked–out schizophrenic who wants to kill himself all the time."[15]

Composition and lyrics

Despite the song's title, the lyrics of "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" contain no obvious reference to suicide. In The Rough Guide to Nirvana, Gillian G. Gaar called it an "upbeat, friendly thrash-along" with "nonsense lyrics" whose title lacked a connection with its music.[5]

The song's interlude features Cobain quoting a "Deep Thought" by American comedian Jack Handey.[16]

Reception

In Take a Walk on the Dark Side: Rock and Roll Myths, Legends, and Curses, R. Gary Patterson compared the song to John Lennon's "Yer Blues" as "an attempt to explain [Cobain's] introspection."[17] In 2015, Rolling Stone put the song at number 44 on a ranked list of 102 Nirvana songs, calling it "a lurching piece of infectious sludge-pop."[12]

Cobain himself was dismissive of the song, calling it "boring" and saying that the band "could write that song in our sleep."[4] Craig Montgomery, however, who recorded the demo version at BMG Ariola Ltda in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, was impressed with the song, praising its riff and rhythm and saying he thought it could have been a hit.[18]

English musician Noel Gallagher, vocalist and guitarist of the rock band Oasis, mentioned the song while discussing the inspiration behind the 1994 Oasis single "Live Forever", which was conceived as an indirect response to the perceived pessimism of the grunge movement of the early 1990s. "I remember Nirvana had a tune called 'I Hate Myself and Want to Die'," Gallagher said, "and I was like 'Well, I'm not fucking having that.' As much as I fucking like [Cobain] and all that shit, I'm not having that... Kids don't need to be hearing that nonsense. Seems to me that there was a guy who had everything, and was miserable about it."[19]

The song is referenced by American indie rock musician Cat Power in the song "Hate" on her 2006 album, The Greatest.[20]

Covers

The Blackout released a parody of the song, titled "I Love Myself and I Want to Live", in 2009.[21] Baton Rouge sludge band Thou released a cover of this song on their EP "The Sacrifice".[22]

Recording and release history

Demo and studio versions
Date recorded Studio Producer/recorder Releases Personnel
January 19–21, 1993 Ariola Ltda BMG, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Craig Montgomery With the Lights Out (2004)
  • Kurt Cobain (vocals, guitar)
  • Krist Novoselic (bass guitar)
  • Dave Grohl (drums)
February 12–26, 1993 Pachyderm Studio, Cannon Falls, Minnesota, U.S. Steve Albini The Beavis and Butt-head Experience (1993)
Pennyroyal Tea (1994)
In Utero (deluxe) (2013)[A]
  • Kurt Cobain (vocals, guitar)
  • Krist Novoselic (bass guitar)
  • Dave Grohl (drums)

Notes
  • A ^ The version that appears on the "Deluxe" re-release of In Utero is a remix done by Albini in 2013. The original mix does not appear on the release.

Personnel

Nirvana

Production personnel

References
  1. Hot Singles Sales billboard.com. Retrieved December 30, 2015.
  2. Record Store Day Chart Recap: Vinyl Album Sales Reach Historic High billboard.com. Retrieved April 25, 2014.
  3. Garr, Gillian G. (2006). In Utero. United States: Continium. p. 56. ISBN 0-8264-1776-0.
  4. Luerssen, John D. (2014). Nirvana FAQ: All That's Left to Know About the Most Important Band of the 1990s. Hal Leonard Corporation. p. 343. ISBN 978-1-61713-588-0.
  5. Gaar, Gillian G. (2009). The Rough Guide to Nirvana. Penguin. pp. 194–195. ISBN 978-1-4053-8119-2.
  6. DeRogatis, Jim (2003). Milk It!: Collected Musings on the Alternative Music Explosion of the 90's. Da Capo. p. 6. ISBN 978-0-306-81271-2.
  7. "User must do a search for "Beavis"". Recording Industry Association of America. Retrieved 2017-08-11.
  8. Pennyroyal 3 - Pennyroyal Tea single. crimson-ceremony.net. Retrieved on March 10, 2013.
  9. http://www.recordstoreday.co.uk/exclusive-products/2014/?p=10
  10. Cross 2002, p. 262
  11. Crosbie, Lynn (27 September 2011). "Twenty years after Nevermind, Cobain's candle still burns". The Globe and Mail. Retrieved 21 November 2012.
  12. Mallon, Tom (April 8, 2015). "No Apologies: All 102 Nirvana Songs Ranked". Rolling Stone. 44. "I Hate Myself and Want to Die".
  13. Cross 2002, 268
  14. Bentley, Tiffany (28 March 2012). "David Fricke of Rolling Stone magazine tells intimate rock stories during talk at Allentown Art Museum". lehighvalleylive.com. Retrieved 21 November 2012.
  15. Fricke, David (27 January 1994). "Kurt Cobain: The Rolling Stone Interview | Music News". Rolling Stone. p. 3. Retrieved 21 October 2012.
  16. "Deep Thoughts".
  17. Patterson, R. Gary (2008). Take a Walk on the Dark Side: Rock and Roll Myths, Legends, and Curses. Simon and Schuster. p. 258. ISBN 978-1-4391-0364-7.
  18. Gaar, Gillian G. (2006). In Utero. United States: Continium. pp. 28, 29. ISBN 0-8264-1776-0.
  19. Stop the Clocks [bonus DVD]. Columbia, 2006.
  20. Hoby, Hermione (18 August 2012). "Cat Power: 'I'm your worst nightmare – get your dancing shoes on'". The Guardian. Retrieved 10 August 2018.
  21. Vikkeh (4 November 2009). "Daily Music Dose: The Blackout on Vikkeh~'s Blog - Buzznet". Vikkivendetta.buzznet.com. Archived from the original on 9 December 2012. Retrieved 21 November 2012.
  22. Robotic Empire. "Thou - The Sacrifice EP".

Bibliography

Cross, Charles R. (2002). Heavier Than Heaven: The Biography of Kurt Cobain. Sceptre. ISBN 978-1-444-71389-3.

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