Marty Klein

Klein has been outspoken about the way sexuality is discussed in media outlets. For example, a 2005 New York Times article on the phenomenon of self-help books about sexual positions, sex fantasies and increasingly edgy materials stated that the genre is big business, aimed at women and promoting the idea that "It is a woman's role to ensure that the couple's sex life remains satisfying." Klein disagrees that the promises that these books make about improving sex with oral, anal and fetishistic techniques and information are not what most couples really need to make them happy. "A book called 'How to Get Your Wife to Hug You a Little Bit More' or 'How to Get Your Husband to Slow Down and Caress Your Hair and Love Doing It,' now those are books that would change people's lives," says Klein.[5] Communication is the key to satisfying relationships; things like new positions or removing pornography from a home without your partner's consent is generally not helpful.[6] Klein told the Commonwealth Club that what most adults want out of sex is a combination of "pleasure and closeness," and he encourages people to pay more attention to these, rather than to performance anxiety or how they look.[7]

Klein has criticized the mass media for talking about sexuality in what he claims is an exploitative manner. He calls this the "Oprah-ization" factor, where talk shows like Oprah and Dr. Phil will, for example, put teen prostitutes on stage and talk about how awful it is. What they are really doing, according to Klein, is showing teen girls in skimpy clothing talking about sex, which results in voyeuristic viewers. "If the American media really thought these stories were so terrible it wouldn't give them so much air time ... The key message in American culture is that sex is dangerous. But sex isn't dangerous, bad sexual decision making is dangerous."[8] In an interview with Chip August for Personal Life Media Klein stated, "I think Oprah has single-handedly launched the victim industry in this country," adding that society is now infantilizing women by saying that they are unable to make decisions for themselves, that they are tricked into drinking at parties, that they can't control whether they get drunk or create circumstances of vulnerability. "It's demeaning to people to say that even though you're an adult, we're not going to hold you accountable for your own decision-making," he says.[3][9]

Klein has criticized as unproven the theory of "secondary effects", which posits that people involved with various forms of commercial sexual expression (such as escorts, strip clubs or pornography) will inevitably get involved with other, non-sexual illegal activity such as burglary, vandalism, or assault. He states that there is no evidence for this, but the idea appeals intuitively to many people. Thus instead of looking at the actual causal factors of crime, they seek to ban pornography, strip clubs and other outlets to reduce it.[10] On 20/20 Klein told host John Stossel that 150 years ago most people got married as soon as they reached puberty, which was about 14 or 15 years old. Now most Americans reach puberty around ages 10–12 but they delay marriage into their late 20s. "Telling people to not have sex is like telling a depressed person to have a nice day and expecting that to lift their depression."[11]

In December 2016, Klein was a return guest on The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe talking about his book His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's Porn Panic with Honest Talk about Sex. He explained that he wrote this book in response to Broadband internet making porn more available - and the accompanying increase in women complaining about their men viewing porn, as well as to help improve sexual literacy of both adults and minors. Host Steven Novella asked Klein if anti-pornography groups are trying to justify their opposition by citing health concerns or were just confused about the science. Klein responded that both are true. "The junk science is there for anyone who wants to use it," he said, noting that the common claims that pornography leads to various social problems lack evidence to support them, as rates of sexual violence, divorce, teen pregnancy and child molestation have all gone down since Broadband pornography became common. He observed that couples that don't have sex anymore are quicker to fight about pornography rather than have a meaningful conversation about problems in their sexual relationships. Cara Santa Maria asked if porn leads to unrealistic expectations by men. "Absolutely yes!" Klein answered. "Some people think porn is a documentary, showing real people in real situations... porn is usually unusual bodies, doing unusual things in unusual circumstances." "Pornography leaves out so much that we value in sex. Kissing, hugging ... whispering... because if you watch people hug, after about 2 seconds it gets real boring." In addition, he explained that consumer products based on fantasy are mostly about what people want to see, not necessarily what they want to do or experience, as both men and woman fantasize about things they would not do even if given the chance.[12]

In a 2012 interview with Your Tango, Klein stated that in America, children are raised to have negative feelings about sex and their sexuality. In Europe most beaches are clothing optional, yet in America nudity on beaches is a crime. "When children in the United States grow up learning that their sexuality is bad, when every institution that children have contact with reminds them that their sexuality is bad or dirty or shameful or dangerous — when those kids grow up to be adults, they carry those lessons with them. And one of the things those kids decide when they are adults is that 'if there's something wrong with my sexuality, there must be something wrong with everyone else's sexuality. And, therefore, it's not only my sexuality that I need to repress, it's other people's sexuality that I need to be concerned about, too." This is, Klein says, one of the roots of censorship in America. Further, he has been critical of laws which make it risky for parents to take photos of their children in the bathtub, or for teenagers to take sexual photos of themselves for their own private use. In addition, he has spoken out against the way he sees teens being treated as a sexually repressed minority, such as the criminalization and punishment of teen "sexting," and the deliberate withholding of sexual information and sexual health products from them.[13]

In a 2015 New York Times interview, Klein was asked how best to talk to children about sex. He responded that it depends on the child, since a younger child will probably not notice the conversation, and older children will need additional information and it is best for parents to respond honestly in a way that reflects their values. A teenager will need to understand what is real and what is fictional entertainment. In all cases, Klein said, it is important to listen, remain calm and make sure the child knows they are not a bad person for having sex questions and that they can ask the parent anything. '"There’s a technical word for the conversations that adults have with their kids when the parents are uncomfortable'" said Klein '"parenting.'"[14]

Klein has also noted that children are learning about sex despite "anti-sex crusaders" and other societal forces trying to keep it from them: "The truth is children think about sex whether we want them to or not. Children don't need our help to think about sex ...There are groups of people out there who are devoted to scaring the heck out of Americans about sexuality ...It makes some people feel good because they say, 'Aha, there's the enemy and if only we could do something about that, everything would be better.' "[15] It's a parenting issue, Klein told NPR, when children are viewing something that is made for adults. Parents need to educate their children and increase their sexual literacy, so that they understand that what they are seeing on the Internet is fantasy.[16][17]

The two best strategies for improving sex are better communication and more self-acceptance. ...Self-acceptance: your body is the way it is; you’re not going to lose 10 pounds this weekend. ... One breast is bigger than the other, one nipple has a few stray hairs, your penis is exactly the size it is. ...Vanilla sex isn’t what makes people bored. Focussing on distracting stuff does. Feeling disconnected does. Having sex when you’re resentful or too tired does. ...If you and your partner(s) enjoy some kink, or a different time/place/activity every time you have sex, by all means have a good time. Nothing wrong with that if it works for you. But for most people, wilder isn’t necessarily better. In fact, wilder actually pulls some people away from the connection and focus that can make sex enjoyable. For better sex, don’t diss vanilla—slow down and get to know it better.[18]

NECSS 2015

Klein has authored seven books on sexuality. His book America's War on Sex with a foreword by ACLU President Nadine Strosse was honored as 2006's Best Sexuality Book by AASECT.[33] It documents how the issue of sexual regulation is being used by the Religious Right to undermine secular democracy. Klein details what he describes as a well-coordinated, deeply funded war on sexuality which is being fought on many fronts.[10] Klein explores what he sees as the U.S.'s deep-seated anxiety about sexuality and the lengths to which the U.S. government is willing to go to keep its citizens sexually repressed. Klein challenges American society's (and psychotherapy's) assumptions about sexuality; he is particularly critical of what he calls the "Sexual Disaster Industry" and the "Oprah-ization" of psychotherapy and medicine.[34]

• Your Sexual Secrets: When to Keep Them, When & How to Tell. Dutton. 1988. ISBN 978-0525247166.
• Ask Me ... Anything: Dr. Klein Answers the Sex Questions You'd Love to Ask. Simon & Schuster/Fireside. 1996. ISBN 978-0970452634.
• Klein, Marty; Robbins, Riki (1999). Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse. Tarcher. ISBN 978-0874779561.
• Beyond Orgasm: Dare to Be Honest about the Sex You Really Want. Ten Speed Press. 2002. ISBN 978-1587611681.
• America's War on Sex: The Continuing Attack on Law, Lust, and Liberty. Praeger. 2006. ISBN 978-1440801280.
• Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex - and How to Get It. HarperCollins. 2012. ISBN 978-0062098580.
• His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's Porn Panic with Honest Talk about Sex. Praeger. 2016. ISBN 978-1440852213.

• Klein, Marty (1992). "Sex Education". In Walker, Eugene C.; Robert, Michael C. (eds.). Handbook of Clinical Child Psychology (2nd ed.). Wiley-Interscience. ISBN 978-0471503613.
• Klein, Marty (1997). "Disorders of Desire". In Charlton, Randolph S. (ed.). Treating Sexual Disorders. Jossey-Bass. pp. 201–236. ISBN 978-0787903114.
• Klein, Marty (2006). "Pornography: What men see when they watch". In Lehman, Peter (ed.). Pornography : film and culture. Rutgers University Press. ISBN 9780813538716.
• Klein, Marty (2015). "Pornography, the narrative of public health; Pornography use as a clinical issue". In Whelehan, Patricia; Bolin, Anne (eds.). International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality (1st ed.). Wiley-Blackwell. ISBN 978-1405190060. (contributor)