Stage Fright (Only Fools and Horses)

Raquel is now three months pregnant, and Del Boy finds another opportunity to be a millionaire when the Starlight Rooms, managed by an old acquaintance, Eric, needs a good act. Del believes that Raquel's previous experience as a singer makes her perfect for the part. Raquel tells Del that her solicitors are trying to locate her ex-husband, and Del successfully convinces Raquel to marry him. He also reveals he is due in court in a week's time for fly-pitching.

Later, at the Down by the Riverside Club, Del and Rodney meet Trigger's friend, Tony Angelino, the Singing Dustman, who has styled himself after Tom Jones and singing - fairly well - to various old women who cheer for him. Although Rodney thinks he is “bloody awful”, Del thinks that Tony would be the perfect singing partner for Raquel. He then gets Tony to sign a contract by pretending to ask for an autograph, then tells him all about the upcoming performance at the Starlight Rooms with Raquel. Tony agrees to do the performance, with Raquel as his partner, Del as their manager, and Rodney as their roadie. Tony warns Del that he can only sing certain songs, but Del reassures him that all will be fine.

The next day at The Nag's Head, Del learns that the Starlight Rooms are owned by a gangster named Eugene McCarthy, who has been known to nail people to doors. To make matters worse, the night Raquel and Tony are due to perform is also Eugene's mother's birthday.

That night, Del eventually makes it to the Starlight Rooms after being in court. Eric introduces Raquel, who starts singing "Crying". Things are going well, until Tony takes the stage and sings along. Only then does it emerge why Tony only sings certain songs; he has a rhotacism, causing him to pronounce his R's incorrectly, making "Crying" sound more like "Cwying". Del quickly leaves after the song is over, while Rodney applauds politely.

Back at Nelson Mandela House, Del is worried about what Eugene will do to him, until a fuming Raquel and a sniggering Rodney both enter. Raquel admits that she and Tony carried on with the performance, singing "Please Welease Me", "Congwatulations", and the "Gween Gween Gwass of Home", followed (according to Rodney) by a medley of "wock and woll".

Tony shows up for his money, and Del pays him, Raquel, and Rodney. Tony then talks about how his rhotacism prevents him from pronouncing his Rs correctly, and although he can sing quite well, he can only sing songs without any Rs in them. With that said, Tony gets paid (after some brief reluctance from Del) and after defending himself, he leaves, Del gets a phone call from Eugene, who says that his mother thought Raquel and Tony's performance was the funniest thing she had seen in her life, and he wants to book Tony and Raquel on a five-week contract at the Starlight Rooms. Del tells Raquel, Rodney and Albert and then runs out to call Tony back from the balcony and tell him, "Hang about, Tony. I've got you some more bookings. Stick with me, son, I'll make you wich!"

• Maxi Priest: Peace Through the World
• Roxy Music: Love Is the Drug
• Tessa Peake-Jones: Do You Know the Way to San Jose
• Philip Pope: I'll Never Fall In Love Again
• Philip Pope: Delilah
• Simple Minds: Kick It In
• Hue and Cry: Looking For Linda
• Charlie Parker: Ornithology
• Tessa Peake-Jones & Philip Pope: Crying

• "Stage Fright" at bbc.co.uk