Bob and Ray

Matinee with Bob and Ray was broadcast Monday through Saturday on WHDH. The weekday half-hours were broadcast live; the Saturday shows were usually 25 minutes long and were sometimes recorded in advance. Staff musicians Ken Wilson (organ) and Bill Green (piano) opened each show with a sprightly rendition of "Collegiate".

Fans who are familiar with Bob and Ray's later routines, which were carefully scripted and timed, might be surprised by surviving episodes of Matinee with Bob and Ray. These shows were completely impromptu and always irreverent, demonstrating how very alert and quick-witted Bob and Ray were. They would follow any comic thread for a few minutes, and then just as suddenly abandon it to move on to another topic. If Ray happened to mention a distant city, Bob would solemnly introduce a travelogue and the pair would narrate a mock documentary. A chance remark about a labor-saving device would bring home-economics expert "Mary Margaret McGoon" (Ray) to the microphone, offering an unlikely recipe or promoting a useless appliance. If an idea ran out of steam, Bob and Ray's cowboy entertainer Tex Blaisdell (voiced by Bob in a laconic drawl) came out of nowhere to plug his latest personal appearance in some 10th-rate theater. Almost all of the incidental characters passing through the studio were named Sturdley, which became a buzzword of the series.

A regular feature of Matinee with Bob and Ray was a soap opera parody, "The Life and Loves of Linda Lovely". Ray would portray Linda, using a soft, breathy falsetto, with Bob portraying her beloved David in a halting, deliberate baritone. Neither Bob nor Ray knew what each story would involve, so each would cue the other and bat the dialogue back and forth as each situation got out of hand. A 1948 broadcast had Linda suddenly interrupting the story to take an urgent phone call, only to have David counter this turn of events by taking his own call; then Linda would announce someone at the door and take a third phone call, which David would accept while Linda greeted the guest at the door and took a fourth phone call.

When the show took time out for a recorded commercial, the team would continue in the same vein. A testimonial by actor Basil Rathbone would be followed by Bob and Ray adopting British accents and outlining a mystery. A commercial for a toy dealer would result in Bob immediately introducing a children's story as told by "Uncle Ray". A frequent target during their early years was a musical commercial for Mission Bell Wines, which called for an announcer to read the ad copy live between the opening chorus and the closing jingle. Bob and Ray took any number of liberties, singing the copy drunkenly or punctuating the written copy with sarcastic remarks.

Musicians Wilson and Green performed two selections during each show. Bob and Ray often dragged them into the action, with comments about their clothes, their vacation plans, their musicianship, or their work ethic (Ray: "I don't care if you two have Petrillo behind you, you always come in here thinking you own the place."). One episode had Bob and Ray commenting on a Wilson-Green duet and then discussing the many success stories of the Wilson and Green School of Music, all voiced by Bob or Ray, all awful musicians, and all named Sturdley.

Although Matinee with Bob and Ray did not have a studio audience, local residents (often high-school and college students) dropped by the studio daily to watch Bob and Ray. The team's wilder flights of fancy would elicit laughter off-mike.

Matinee with Bob and Ray became a favorite with listeners in New England, which brought Elliott and Goulding to the attention of NBC in New York. They continued on the air for over four decades on the NBC, CBS, and Mutual networks, and on New York City stations WINS, WOR, and WHN. From 1973 to 1976, they were the afternoon drive hosts on WOR, doing a four-hour show. In their last incarnation, they were heard on National Public Radio, ending in 1987.

They were regulars on NBC's Monitor, often on stand-by to go on the air at short notice if the program's planned segments developed problems, and they were also heard in a surprising variety of formats and timeslots, from a 15-minute series in midafternoon to their hour-long show aired weeknights just before midnight in 1954-55. During that same period, they did an audience-participation game show, Pick and Play with Bob and Ray, which was short-lived. It came at a time when network pages filled seats for radio-TV shows by giving tickets to anyone in the street, and on Pick and Play the two comics were occasionally booed by audience members unfamiliar with the Bob and Ray comedy style.

Some of their radio episodes were released on recordings, and others were adapted into graphic story form for publication in MAD magazine. Their earlier shows were mostly ad-libbed, but later programs relied more heavily on scripts. While Bob and Ray wrote much of their material, their writers included Tom Koch, who scripted many of their best-known routines, and the pioneering radio humorist Raymond Knight. Bob Elliott later married Knight's widow.

Another writer was Jack Beauvais, who had performed as a singer for WEEI in Boston during the 1930s and also worked for some of the big bands in the 1940s and 1950s.[2]

Elliott and Goulding lent their voices to a variety of recurring characters and countless one-shots, creating a multilayered world that parodied the real-life world of radio broadcasting. Elliott and Goulding played "Bob" and "Ray," the hosts of an ostensibly serious radio program. Their "staff" (all voiced by Elliott and Goulding) was a comic menagerie of reporters, book reviewers, actors, and all other manner of radio personalities, all of whom interacted with "Bob" and "Ray," as well as with each other. Almost all of these characters had picturesque names, as in one sketch where Bob introduced Ray as one Maitland Q. Montmorency, who then replied, "My name is John W. Norvis. I have terrible handwriting."

Recurring characters played by Bob Elliott included:

• Wally Ballou, an inept news reporter, man-on-the-street interviewer, "and winner of 16 diction awards," whose opening transmission almost invariably begins with an "up-cut" with him starting early, before his microphone was live, as in "–ly Ballou here". In one of his broadcasts, he was discovered to have started early on purpose and was chewed out by the location engineer (Ray) for making it look as though the mistake was his.
• Snappy sportscaster Biff Burns ("So, until next time, this is Biff Burns saying: 'Until next time, this is Biff Burns saying "Goodnight". '")
• Tex Blaisdell, a drawling cowboy singer who also did rope tricks on the radio (not to be confused with the real-life comic book artist and editor)
• Arthur Sturdley, an Arthur Godfrey take-off
• Harry Backstayge, handsome stage actor and "idol to a million other women" (in the team's parody of radio's Backstage Wife)
• Pop, elderly stagehand in the Backstayge stories
• Johnny Braddock, another sportscaster, but with an obnoxious streak
• Kent Lyle Birdley, a wheezing, stammering old-time radio announcer
• Fred Falvy, "do-it-yourself" handyman
• One of the McBeeBee twins, either Claude or Clyde, were nonidentical twins who spoke in unison, led by Goulding, and echoed by Elliott, and always interviewed by Elliott.
• Cyril Gore, a Boris Karloff sound-alike, he often appeared as a butler or doorman; his catchphrase was "Follow me down this cor-ree-dor."
• Peter Gorey, a character similar to Gore, but with a Peter Lorre-type voice, he would typically appear as a news reporter, reading the same gruesome stories ("Three men were run over by a steamroller today...") each time he appeared. Bob and Ray also occasionally played a record of "Music! Music! Music!", ostensibly sung by Gorey.

Any script calling for a child's voice usually went to Elliott.

Ray Goulding's roster of characters included:

• Mary Backstayge, wife of Harry Backstayge.
• Webley Webster, mumble-mouthed book reviewer and organ player, whose reviews of historical novels and cookbooks were usually dramatized as seafaring melodramas
• Calvin Hoogavin (using the same Webley voice), a character in the Mary Backstayge stories
• Steve Bosco, sportscaster (who signed off with "This is Steve Bosco rounding third, and being thrown out at home", parodying Joe Nuxhall's signature sign-off of "the old lefthander rounding third and heading for home")
• Jack Headstrong, the All-American American (satirizing the long-running Jack Armstrong radio series of juvenile adventures). The serious-voiced Jack was always entrusted with an impossible government mission, and had no patience with any of his friends and advisors ("Quiet, Four-Star General! There's no time for that now!").
• Artie Schermerhorn, another inept reporter. Sometimes partnered with Wally Ballou, often competing with him, especially when employed by the Finley Quality Network.
• Farm editor Dean Archer Armstead (his low, slurring delivery was unintelligible and punctuated by the sound of his spittle hitting a cuspidor); his theme music was a scratchy piano-lesson record of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm."
• The other McBeeBee twin, either Clyde or Claude. As mentioned above, Goulding would speak first, usually trying to trip up and break up Elliott
• Charles the Poet, who recited sappy verse (parodying the lugubrious Chicago late-night broadcaster Franklyn MacCormack and, to a lesser extent, the Ernie Kovacs character Percy Dovetonsils) but could never get through a whole example of his pathetic work without breaking down in laughter
• Professor Groggins, a would-be space traveler who constructs a rocket ship in his backyard, but never successfully launches it
• Recurring characters such as Matt Neffer, Boy Spot-Welder; failed actor Barry Campbell; crack-voiced reporter Arthur Schrank; Lawrence Fechtenberger, Interstellar Officer Candidate; and all female roles.

While originally employing a falsetto, Goulding generally used the same flat voice for all of his women characters, of which perhaps the best-known was Mary Margaret McGoon (satirizing home-economics expert Mary Margaret McBride), who offered bizarre recipes for such entrees as "ginger ale salad" and "mock turkey." In 1949, Goulding, as Mary, recorded "I'd Like to Be a Cow in Switzerland", which soon became a novelty hit and is still occasionally played by the likes of Dr. Demento. Later, the character was known simply as Mary McGoon. Another female character was Natalie Attired, "radio's Song Sayer" who, instead of singing songs, recited their lyrics to a drumbeat accompaniment.

Spoofs of other radio programs were another staple, including the continuing soap operas "Mary Backstayge, Noble Wife", "One Fella's Family", and "Aunt Penny's Sunlit Kitchen" (which spoofed Backstage Wife, One Man's Family, and Aunt Jenny's Real Life Stories, respectively). "Mary Backstayge" was serialized for such a long period of time that it became better known to many listeners than the show it lampooned. Another soap opera spoof, "Garish Summit" (which Bob and Ray performed during their stint on National Public Radio in the 1980s), recounts the petty squabbles for power among the wealthy family members who own a lead mine. They also satirized Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons with the continuing parody, "Mr. Trace, Keener than Most Persons," which began with a simple plot that soon degenerated into total gibberish where the dialogue was concerned ("Mister Treat, Chaser of Lost Persons," "Thanks for the vote of treedle, Pete") and gunplay ("You... You've shot me!... I'm... dead."). The quiz show "Dr. I.Q., the Mental Banker" was parodied as "Dr. O.K., the Sentimental Banker". Whereas the real Dr. I.Q. had several assistants with remote microphones, scattered through the audience to select contestants, Dr. O.K. (Bob) had to make do with a single assistant (Ed Sturdley, played by Ray), who eventually became exhausted from running around the theater.

Monitor publicity shot of Bob and Ray with Miss Monitor (Tedi Thurman). All three made extended stays at the NBC studios in order to do hourly live appearances throughout the weekend on Monitor, which could explain why they were grouped for this promotional photo.

Other continuing parodies (both generic and specific) included game shows ("The 64-Cent Question"), children's shows ("Mr. Science", "Tippy the Wonder Dog", "Matt Neffer, Boy Spot-Welding King of the World"), self-help seminars ("Dr. Joyce Dunstable"), and foreign intrigue ("Elmer W. Litzinger, Spy").

In 1959 Bob and Ray launched a successful network radio series for CBS, broadcast from New York. CBS's programming department frequently supplied scripts promoting CBS' dramatic and sports shows, but Bob and Ray never read these scripts entirely straight, and would often imitate the character voices heard on these shows. Gunsmoke and Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar were frequent targets, and Johnny Dollar inspired a full-fledged parody, "Ace Willoughby, International Detective." In each installment, Willoughby (Ray, doing a letter-perfect impersonation of Johnny Dollar star Bob Bailey) traveled around the globe in pursuit of crooks, but gave up when the crooks found him and kept beating him up.

In addition to parodies of specific programs and genres, many of Elliott and Goulding's sketches turned on the inherent absurdities of reportage and interviewing. One particularly enduring routine cast Elliott as an expert on the Komodo dragon, and Goulding as the dense reporter whose questions trailed behind the information given.[3] Another featured Elliott as the spokesman for the Slow Talkers of America ("headquarters" in Glens Falls, New York), whose lengthy pauses between words increasingly frustrate Goulding. The pair performed both of these sketches many times.

Their character known as "The Worst Person in the World" (a reference to New York magazine theatre critic John Simon, who gave their stage show a negative review) was, many years later, appropriated by MSNBC host Keith Olbermann.

The pair also had a parody of the detective show Mannix called "Blimmix", a dimwitted detective who would be beaten up at the end of each of his segments by whatever thug served as the antagonist.

Commercial parody was a popular forte with Bob and Ray. A typical show would have such "sponsors" as:

• The Monongahela Metal Foundry ("Casting steel ingots with the housewife in mind")
• Einbinder Flypaper ("The brand you've gradually grown to trust over the course of three generations")
• The Auburn Motor Car Company (makers of fine automobiles up to, but not including, 1938")
• The United States Post Office ("Makers and distributors of stamps")
• The Croftweiler Industrial Cartel ("Makers of all sorts of stuff, made out of everything")
• Cool Canadian Air ("Packed fresh every day in the Hudson Bay and shipped to your door")
• Grime ("The magic shortening that spreads like lard")
• The United States Mint ("One of the nation's leading producers of genuine U.S. currency")
• Penuche ("With or without nuts, the greatest name in fudge")
• Kretchford Braid and Tassel ("Next time you think of braid or tassel, rush into your neighborhood store and shout, 'Kretchford'!")
• The rather generic-sounding "chocolate cookies with white stuff in between" sponsored the science-fiction spoof Lawrence Fechtenberger, Interstellar Officer Candidate (a direct parody of "Tom Corbett, Space Cadet")
• Gerstmeyer's Puppy Kibbles ("The dog food guaranteed to turn any pet into a vicious man-killer") sponsored the police-drama spoof Squad Car 119.
• Mushies ("The cereal that gets soggy even without adding milk or cream") sponsored "Tippy the Wonder Dog."
• An unnamed beverage described as "stuff that you pour in a glass and it fizzes up and gets all over your suit and everything."

• Piels commercial

• Bob and Ray (seven 1959-60 episodes)
• Matinee with Bob & Ray---Surviving installments of Bob & Ray's first regular series, WHDH, Boston.
• Internet Archive---the surviving installments of Bob & Ray Present the CBS Radio Network (1959–60)
• Bob and Ray for the Truly Desperate---surviving installments of Bob and Ray from WOR (1973–76) and a hodgepodge of other recordings
• NBC Monitor Tribute Pages (features several Bob and Ray routines and reminiscences)
• "Bob And Ray Show". RadioEchoes. 1948–1976. 568 episodes.

Write If You Get Work: The Best of Bob & Ray Copyright 1975 by Robert B. Elliott and Raymond W. Goulding Foreword Copyright 1975 by Random House, Inc. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Elliott, Bob - Write if you get work. 1. American wit and humor. I. Goulding, Ray, Joint author. II. Title. PN6162.E45 818'.5'407 75-10297 ISBN 0-394-49668-X Manufactured in the United States of America 468975