Daddy (slang)

A Daddy in gay culture is a slang term meaning an (typically) older man sexually involved in a relationship or wanting sex with a younger male.[1][2][3] The age gap may differ, but the relationship involves the traditional parental hierarchy of father-son dynamics, the daddy providing emotional support and guidance along with sexual encouragement and nurturing to the inexperienced or sometimes vulnerable partner.

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A Dad (or Daddy, both capitalised) is a gay man who applies a state of mind that encompasses care, consideration, mentorship and leadership to a gay junior male. A Dad is usually a cis-gendered male, though this may not always be the case. He has the welfare of a younger man at heart; his natural impulse is benevolent guardianship. His is the safe space. A Dad offers stability, dependability, experience, patience, encouragement, a steadying hand, advice, challenges, priorities, and manhood by example. He self-identifies with the role of care-giver, if not the label; a Dad takes over where a father leaves off. Above all, a Dad is a foil against toxic masculinity.

A Dad does not have to be ‘old’ (as some maintain), but he is – by definition – senior in years and life experience to his ‘son’. That seniority slides along the age continuum: a Dad may apply his attentions to a man, men, or series of men, anywhere between 10, 15, 30 years his junior. Old or not, a Dad remembers what it was like to be young.

In the hetero-normative context, the father/son, teacher/student, coach/protégé relationship is assumed to be finite and not questioned, but an ongoing relationship is looked at askance, and with suspicion. That said, Dad/son relationships are a form of mentoring, and the shared homosexuality of the partners is a personal extension of societal gender norms and expectations about masculinities.[4] Most partners in Dad/son relationships subscribe to common values: masculinity is praised and therefore celebrated between them. It has become a stereotype in the gay community.

Age differences overlap other gay subculture identities (Bear/cub; SM Dom/sub dynamics; muscle studs and gym bunnies; Chubs and their chasers; Suits and pretty bois; Scruffs and their lads; the list goes on...). For some relationships, the only imbalance is experience.

Age difference may be the initial attraction,[5] but it is more a mutual attitude that makes the Dad/son relationship work and thrive. There is a resonance between both Dad and ‘son’ based on essential personal values: recognition of different levels of experience; honesty and clarity in communication; a lack of selfishness and a capacity for giving; the need for mutual emotional expression; guidance and learning; an acute awareness of respect and boundaries. Additionally, the negotiation between Dad and ‘son’ can galvanise right-minded behaviours and resolve inner conflicts in both parties. Both will be better men for it. This resonance dictates that the relationship is thus negotiable but based on mutual organisation and complementary self discipline and restraint. There is genuine and mutual admiration. [6]

Often these relationships are categorized as either "DADDY and boi" or "DAD and son," although this is not absolute, and some relationships prefer no labels. Dad, or Daddy, is completely different from the similarly labeled sugar daddy, although this can sometimes lead to some confusion.