Falling Up (poetry collection)

The following poems are included in the collection (in alphabetic order):

• Advice - William Tell does his famous apple-shot trick, but misses and hits the person's head by mistake.
• Allison Beals and Her 25 Eels. - A girl has 25 pet eels which can do all sorts of things.
• Alphabalance - A boy is carrying of one each of the letters of the alphabet in his arms, and ends up dropping a couple.
• Bad Cold - A man has a serious cold, as he sneezes on anything he can find.
• Battle in the Sky - The sun and moon get into a heated battle with no actual winner.
• Best Mask? - A kid wins first prize at a scary mask contest even though he isn't wearing one.
• Big Eating Contest - A man talks about how it cost for him to enter a hamburger-eating contest, how much the hamburgers he ate were, how expensive his hospital bill was, but he says that his prize was five dollars.
• Bituminous? - Someone is having trouble remembering definitions of long, complicated words, even though the last one, "confuscent", isn't a real word.
• Blood-Curdling Story - Someone describes a story that's really scary, even though he really doesn't tell it.
• Body Language - A person's body parts all give conflicting ideas about what to do, prompting the buttocks to suggest sitting down until they come to a unanimous decision.
• Camp Wonderful - A kid describes a camp that is said to be great, somehow thinking he will not like it.
• Carrots - A boy hears that carrots are good for your eyes, but after sticking them in his, he wonders if maybe he misunderstood.
• Castle - Shel describes a castle that is so thin, going through takes no time at all.
• A Cat, a Kid, and a Mom - A cat, a kid, and the kid's mother talk about how stupid they act when they're around each other.
• Cat Jacks - Shel explains why it's not a good idea to play jacks with a jaguar.
• Cereal - Shel talks about different kinds of cereals, but he wishes someone would invent a cereal that's all ooey and gooey, because he likes it that way.
• Christmas Dog - A dog protects a family from Santa.
• Clean Gene - This boy likes to keep himself squeaky clean.
• Complainin' Jack - A girl's jack-in-the-box pops out by himself and gripes about everything wrong with the box he lives in. The girl eventually gets tired of it, so she shuts him back in.
• Cookwitch Sandwich - A kid learns that Katrina the Cook is actually a witch, so he decides to ask Katrina to make him a sandwich. But little does he know that if he gave that request, Katrina would turn him into an actual sandwich and not give him a sandwich!
• Crazy Dream - A boy has a dream in which the school roles are reversed and he finds himself the teacher and the faculty members are now students! In the dream he lays down oppressive rules and gives outrageous homework assignments and has silly questions and tasks written on the blackboard, such as "Who invented the roobiskanker", "How deep is the ocean", "What is the name of the next President of the United States", "Translate the entire dictionary into Pig Latin", etc., until he wakes up, feeling very satisfied.
• Crystal Ball - A fortune teller has the amazing ability to tell what her customer has eaten for lunch by gazing into her crystal ball—but she soon confesses that the information isn't coming from the crystal, but the customer's dress.
• Danny O'Dare - A girl meets a dancing bear.
• Description - A few people argue over what they think God looks like. Shel knows what God looks like, as he has a photo of God, but he won't tell his friends.
• Dentist Dan - A kid talks about his dentist, who cleans his teeth and fills his cavities with sweets. The kid likes Dentist Dan, but little does the kid know that he might be losing teeth due to all the sweets that the dentist gives him!
• Diving Board - A kid is standing on the diving board of a pool, but not really diving.
• Don the Dragon's Birthday - Some children bring Don the Dragon a birthday cake for his special day, which he commemorates by "blowing the candles... on."
• Eggs Rated - Through a series of egg puns, a man has a meal of scrambled eggs, until he sees the bill and tries to avoid paying.
• Falling Up - A boy trips on his shoelaces and he falls up instead of down until he gets airsick and "throws down".
• Foot Repair - When a boy wears out his feet from too much walking, he decides to visit a repairman, who offers "new soles and heels"—but the price is far too high!
• Forgetful Paul Revere - As Paul Revere sets out for his famous midnight ride, he desperately tries to remember the exact order of his commands—is it two if by land and one if by sea, or some other combination?
• Former Foreman's Story - A man recounts the story of how, when he was the foreman of a demolition crew, they were supposed to wreck an old house belonging to a family who moved out, but wrecked the one next to it by mistake (which he thinks is the reason he was fired).
• Furniture Bash - Some furniture gets destroyed when they beat up each other.
• Gardener - A boy who was told to water the plants is scolded because instead of using a watering can, he urinated on them.
• Glub-Glub - Someone jumps into a puddle which turns out to be a very small (and very deep) lake.
• Golden Goose - A re-telling of Aesop's fable The Goose That Laid The Golden Eggs from the goose's owner's point of view.
• Hand Holding - Someone in a group of people suggests holding hands, but a little boy only ends up holding his own hands.
• Hard to Please - Shel rhymes about people who annoy him (this is to recited without stopping to catch one's breath).
• Haunted - Shel dares everyone to sneak into a creepy haunted house atop a high hill, describing the horrors that can be found inside. He eventually realizes that the dare is silly, and invites everyone to get ice cream instead.
• Headless Town - A man tries to sell hats in a town that has people with no heads.
• Headphone Harold - Harold prefers listening to the music on his headphones rather than the people and noises around him. Unfortunately, his habit causes him a problem when he takes a walk on the train tracks.
• Help! - A unicorn is stuck by his horn in a tree, but when the readers offer to help him, he asks a bunch of ridiculous question.
• Hi-Monster - Shel points out that an enormous monster is coming through the mist—the readers see its scaly tail stretching across the entire page! He goes on to warn that the monster must have a horrible head...but when the page is turned, the creature is revealed to not only have a small head, but a polite demeanor as well.
• Human Balloon - Shel sings the praises of the human balloon, a man who swells to an enormous size by guzzling soda and other fizzy drinks, then offers rides to people who sit in a basket tied to his stomach. There's only one risk—the balloon might run out of gas!
• Hungry Kid Island - A girl rows out to Hungry Kid Island, which she imagines is full of starving children who will gladly have lunch with her. But there aren't any children on the island...because the island itself is a giant hungry kid!
• Hypnotized - An amateur hypnotist brainwashes someone into doing all of his chores for him.
• Ice Cream Stop - When an ice cream truck stops at a circus, all of the animals request different cones from "fifty-two flavors." The ice cream man refuses to provide any treats until he is paid, so the menagerie attacks the truck and eats all of the ice cream—and the ice cream man!
• Imagining - A girl thinks that she has a mouse in her hair. Her mother tells her not to worry because she doesn't have a mouse in her hair, only to ignore the fact that the girl has an elephant on top of her head instead of a mouse.
• In the Land of... - Shel tells the tale of several made-up countries.
• James - Shel tries to tell the story of a hamburger named James, but is interrupted by the readers' disbelief of the idea.
• Kanga Ruby - Shel tells a poem about a kangaroo who becomes a queen, but she hops in a cake made for her.
• Keepin' Count - A biologist keeps flies in a jar and challenges other people to count them. A boy is almost there, until a female fly has a baby, and he has to start over.
• Keep-Out House - A boy builds a house with no doors or windows to hide from other people, leaving him to wonder how *he's* going to get in.
• Little Hoarse - A man complains of a sore throat, explaining he's "a little hoarse." Some children overhear and take his words to mean that he's become a pony!
• Little Pig's Treat - A piglet riding on his father's back asks to go into a candy store.
• Long-Leg Lou and Short-Leg Sue - The enormously tall Long-Leg Lou and very tiny Short-Leg Sue are good friends who love to walk and talk together. Eventually, though, Lou gets tired of Sue always "walking behind," and leaves her to find someone who can keep up with him. He ends up unhappy, while Sue befriends Slow-Foot Pete and disregards the idea of "who's in front and who's behind."
• Long Scarf - A man wears an extremely long scarf at all times. When asked to remove it, he launches into a long story about why he cannot do so, as the scarf is the only thing keeping his head attached to his body!
• Lyin' Larry - Shel describes a man who is never truthful.
• Mari-Lou's Ride - A girl swings on a swing so high that she flies all across town, with a bunch of people impressed and her mother dismayed and worried, Mari-Lou decides to end her ride by jumping off the swing into her mother's lap, so that her mother won't have to worry about her.
• Medusa- Medusa tries to fix her snake hair, but her snakes keep disagreeing on what she should do with them.
• Mirror, Mirror - The Wicked Queen demands that her magic mirror tell her "who's the fairest of them all." The exasperated mirror tells her that it is still Snow White—but when the Queen wonders aloud what would happen if the mirror was to fall on the ground, he quickly changes his answer.
• Mister Moody - A man is shown with a frown, but Shel mocks the readers for expecting a smile after turning the book upside down.
• Molly's Folly - A girl goes to Bali and buys a skateboard, but falls on her pet collie, and he bites her.
• Morgan's Curse - A boy unearths a treasure, but after seeing an inscription threatening a curse, he wonders if he should take the treasure or leave it there.
• Mummy - A boy wraps himself as a mummy for a joke, but nobody seems to think it's funny, as now they are out of toilet paper.
• Music Lesson - A girl taking piano lessons complains about carrying a piano up a long flight of stairs to her music teacher (wishing she'd tried other instruments).
• My Nose Garden - A man complains about his garden of human noses that always catch sneezing, sniffling colds and tries to get rid of them by offering the readers some.
• My Robot - A robot makes its owner be its servant.
• My Sneaky Cousin - A kid's cousin sneaks into the washing machine. The result is that she comes out "looking clean-but not too happy".
• The Nap Taker - A kid who takes a nap ends up on trial for literally taking someone's nap in a land where common expressions are also taken literally (ex. darning socks, shooting baseball, killing time, etc.) and is sentenced to eternal slumber.
• Needles and Pins - A group of people build a ship, and set off for parts unknown.
• New World - A girl looks through her legs and sees the world upside-down.
• No - A sign in an area tells people what they should not do in the area. The sign gets eventually chewed up by a beaver, who says that the sign didn't say that beavers weren't allowed in the area.
• No Grown-Ups - A kid creates a secret club where no adults are allowed, but soon changes his mind when they go out for pizza and they have to pay their bill.
• No Thank You - A man has so many cats that he decides that he's had enough of them and rejects a kitten that someone offers him.
• Noise Day - Some children decide to create a holiday where they can make a lot of noise.
• Nope - After a man looks at a cantaloupe under a microscope, he decides to never eat cantaloupe again.
• Obedient - An old man recounts a story where he was ordered to stand in a corner as a kid until his teacher tells him otherwise. However, he is soon forgotten when the school moves across town and he is still left standing. (In reality, his parents would worry about him and he would be brought home as a kid, not to mention his teacher would be at risk of losing her job for negligence. Also, technically, his sentence would be over after the final bell and he would be free to go home.)
• Ooh! - A kid goes to an actual petting zoo, but when he pets a baby tiger, his fingers are bitten off.
• One Out of Sixteen - Shel talks about all the school subjects that he struggles with (except for spelling, which he is good at).
• People Zoo - A boy get captured and locked up in a zoo where animals can see him instead of the other way around.
• Pinocchio - Shel Silverstein's summary of the plot of Pinocchio.
• Plugging In - A family plugs in the electronic wares that they have. But just as the last member in the family is about to plug in their hair dryer, the lights go out, meaning that all the stuff the family plugged in caused a power outage.
• Poison-Tester - Shel bravely volunteers to be a friend's "poison tester," checking his meals and snacks to ensure that they are not dangerous. But it seems that the real danger comes from the fact that Shel won't stop eating every last bite of the food!
• Porky - Shel asks who will groom a porcupine, and when he gets three people to do its quills, tail and ears, he decides to check the mail instead.
• Quality Time - A girl goes golfing with her father, and he uses her nose as a tee.
• Reachin' Richard- A boy has a bad habit of reaching across the table instead of asking politely for the food that he wants.
• Red Flowers for You- A man makes a joke about some red flowers being poisonous.
• Remote-a-Dad - Shel describes the function of a remote control that can supposedly control one's father.
• Rotten Convention - Shel tells the story of a "Rotten Convention", where various villains attend, and asks the readers where they were at the time.
• Runners - Some track runners comment on how well they run, considering the track is booby-trapped and the coach is a lion.
• Sack Race - A kid signs up for a sack race, but has his sack on the wrong way.
• Safe? - A girl wonders if it's safe to cross the street, not knowing that a safe is about to drop on her head before she can even cross.
• Scale - A fat man laments that his enormous stomach keeps him from seeing the result on his scale so he'll know whether or not he's lost weight.
• Screamin' Millie- A girl screams so loud that it ruins her face.
• Settin' Around - A boy sits around a campfire with three monsters, but they all get scared off when he tells them scary stories.
• Shanna in the Sauna- A girl tries to get in a sauna when it has too many animals in it.
• Sharing- The narrator is happy to share other people's belongings—it's when he must share his own items that problems begin.
• Shoe Talk- A kid talks to a shoe.
• Short Kid- A short kid talks about how people told him he'd grow "another foot" when he got older. But instead of getting taller, the kid actually has a third foot grow on top of his head, as he says "I guess this is what they meant."
• Show Fish - A boy catches a fish and wants to present it for show-and-tell, but forgets and the fish gets smelly two weeks later.
• Sidewalking - A kid makes fun of the superstition of breaking your mother's back when you step on a crack in the pavement. But then he accidentally breaks his mother's back when he steps on a crack in the sidewalk!
• Smile Makers - A grumpy giant gets tired of frowning, so he gets two people to hold up his mouth so he can smile.
• Snowball - Shel makes a snowball and keeps it as a pet, but it melts overnight.
• Somethin' New - Shel encourages the readers to come up with new and inventive (if not somewhat ridiculous) ideas.
• Sorry I Spilled It - Shel apologizes to someone for spilling their breakfast on their bed.
• Spoiled Brat- A spoiled, bratty girl does a lot of bad things. She eventually falls into a cooking pot and gets cooked up for dinner, but in spite of the good things that they put in the stew made from the corpse of the girl, no one wants a bite from the stew "because [the girl] was so spoiled".
• Stone Airplane - An amateur aviator "builds an airplane out of stone," but quickly realizes that he won't be going anywhere with it.
• Stork Story - A new twist on the aspect of reincarnation involves an extension of the old tale of the stork by saying he also "recycles" elderly people into babies.
• Strange Restaurant - Shel goes to a restaurant and tries to order various meat dishes—but as the place is staffed with all kinds of animals, finding something inoffensive proves difficult. He eventually decides on a simple salad, but even this is not appropriate, as the owner of the restaurant happens to be a head of cabbage!
• Stupid Pencil Maker - A child complains about a pencil that someone has made wrong—the eraser is where the point should be, and so he cannot write anything! Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to realize that flipping the pencil might solve his problem.
• Sun Hat - A girl buys a sun hat that has a brim that's so wide that it not only gives her shade, but other creatures shade as well.
• Sybil the Magician's Last Show - Though Sybil is a skilled magician, she neglects to feed her partner, a rabbit that lives in her top hat. Eventually, the hungry bunny takes revenge by dragging Sybil into the hat for a feast, to the cheers of the audience, who think that she has truly disappeared!
• Tattooin' Ruth-A man gets a suit tattoo when he thinks he cannot stand real clothes.
• Tell Me - Shel asks the readers to tell him he's certain things, but to be honest about it.
• The Bear, the Fire, and the Snow
• The Deadly Eye - Shel warns the readers about an eye that can seemingly kill people just by looking at them.
• The Folks Inside - Shel says that elderly people sleep inside young people's bodies until they seemingly emerge at old age.
• The Gnome, the Gnat, and the Gnu - Through the use of the suffix "gn-", Shel tells the story of a gnome trying to swat a gnat biting his gnu's nose.
• The Monkey - A monkey eats some unripe bananas and gets so sick he almost dies (this is told using the numbers 1-11).
• The Runners - A track team runs very fast and have gotten good at it... mainly because their coach is a lion that chases them and that their field has a lot of obstacles that they have to jump over.
• The Sack Race- A kid enters a sack race for the first time, but he doesn't know how to put the sack on properly.
• The Tongue Sticker-Outer - Shel tells a story of a boy who once stuck his tongue out so far, it touched a star and got burned, so now he keeps his tongue in his mouth.
• The Toy Eater - A child is warned that a monster will devour his toys if he does not put them away.
• The Voice - Shel describes the concept of consciences that tell people what's good or bad for them.
• They Say I Have... - A boy says he has "his father's nose, his grandfather's eyes, and mother's hair", and wonders if his behind is the only thing that is actually his.
• Three O'clock - A man takes a job as a bell-ringer, but has actually become the bell's clapper!
• Three Stings - Three men get stung by bees and comment and what they would do if they got stung by bees again.
• Turkey? - A man is confused after eating a drumstick at a family picnic—everyone seems furious with him for the action, "especially the drummer" (implying that he may have eaten the wrong kind of drumstick).
• Unfair - A girl complains that the apartment she's staying in won't accept pets, even though the giant monster she has as a pet is completely harmless and knows a lot of tricks.
• Use for a Moose - Shel describes how good a moose's antlers are for hanging clothes to dry, but the moose keeps running off with them.
• Warmhearted - A woman has rights for animals, so she waits for Animal Day to arrive, not knowing that the fox fur that she wears is still alive and not dead.
• Wastebasket Brother - Shel reprimands someone for putting their baby brother in a trash bin.
• Weavers - Shel successfully knits a sweater, but a spider brags about how much better it is at weaving.
• Web-Foot Woe - A goose complains to the readers about confusing him for a duck, even though they're actually warning him about the arrow aiming for his head.
• Weird-Bird - A crazy bird flies north for the winter instead of south, and admits that he just likes being the only bird in town sometimes.
• We're Out of Paint, So… - A painter runs out of paint, so he decides to make a painting using juices from various foods.
• When I Was Your Age - A boy's grandfather brags about how he could do a lot of things at his age, but was not actually the same age as his grandson at the time.
• Why Is It? - Shel muses about how sometimes, a person's clothes don't feel right, but it may be because the person has not put them on properly.
• Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda - Some "woulda-coulda-shouldas" lie in the sun thinking about the things they might have accomplished, only to run in fear of "one little 'did'".
• Writer Waiting - A boy who has bought a new computer (the plug of which is the 25th eel from the Allison Beals poem) is trying to write a book, but gets writer's block.
• Yuck - A boy gets something stuck to his shoe and tries to remove it, only to get his pets and neighbors stuck too.