Turkey Dinner

Mainwaring tells Wilson that before a battle, their commander told them a joke. However, when Mainwaring attempts to cheer up his unusually quiet platoon with a joke, it does not work. Jones asks Mainwaring if he and his section can speak to him in private. Once in the office, Jones admits that he took his section for a quick drink in the Horse and Groom. Mainwaring is less than impressed, so is annoyed when he hears that they also stopped in the King's Head to stop Cheeseman shivering, and stopped in the Goat and Compasses.

Mainwaring is then amused to learn that Godfrey had begun to sing rather raucously, so he was taken into the Red Lion to sober up. The landlord had come up to Jones and had told him about something rustling in the haystack. Jones shot at the rustler, and was shocked to learn that it was a turkey, which is now plucked and stuffed in his refrigerator! Mainwaring is shocked, and insists that they pay Mr Boggis, farmer at the North Berrington Turkey Farm, the only place where the turkey could have come from, for the loss of his turkey. However, Mr Boggis is not there.

Eventually they discover Mr Boggis is at market day; however the farm worker is unwilling to accept money for the bird unless he is certain that one is missing. They attempt to count the birds, and discover after much chaos that no birds are missing. Therefore, Jones' section decides to hold a turkey dinner for the OAPs of Walmington-on-Sea. Mainwaring is delighted and decides to organise a Turkey Dinner General Purposes Committee, with himself as chairman, of course. Mrs Fox will cook the turkey, Mrs Pike decides to make the stuffing, and Mrs Cheeseman will make the gravy.

Everything goes well, until Mainwaring emerges from the office in his dinner suit: he is guest speaker at a Rotary Club dinner. Pike whirls around with a plate in his hand, and accidentally spills gravy all over Mainwaring's suit. Jones uses blotting paper to get rid of the gravy, but ends up making a mess of Mainwaring's shirt, which he covers up with white enamel paint, which ends up on Mainwaring's dinner jacket.

A sling is the only answer to the problems, as it will not only hide the paint, but it will also make Mr Mainwaring appear more brave at the dinner. However, Hodges comes bursting through the door, bumping into Pike, and knocking gravy onto his sling once again.

1. Although not a special, it was the Christmas episode, and was originally planned for transmission on 6 December 1974.