Keep Young and Beautiful (Dad's Army)

The government has called for an injection of youth into the Home Guard, along with a syphoning off of the more elderly of its current members into the ARP. When an exchange of personnel is mooted, the platoon decides to take drastic action: some dye their hair, others enrich their skin, Sergeant Wilson dons a "gentleman's abdominal support" (a corset) and Captain Mainwaring a toupée.

A field training exercise of each platoon tackling an obstacle course carrying a pole ends in disaster as Jones' section, consisting of Walker, Frazer, Pike and Godfrey, end up falling in the water. Captain Mainwaring later discusses with Sergeant Wilson how he would prefer to have much younger men in his platoon. At that moment, Wilson presents Mainwaring with a letter from the war office which states that the oldest members of the Home Guard will be transferred to ARP and the younger, more fitter ARP Wardens will be transferred into the Home Guard. Mainwaring is appalled at the idea of losing his men and having members of 'Hodges' rabble' in his platoon, but Wilson points out everyone is at risk.

Mainwaring worries that he too might be transferred into the ARP, so he buys himself a wig, while Sergeant Wilson has acquired a corset (or "gentleman's abdominal support", as he calls it). They both try to hide it, but Mainwaring quickly figures out Wilson, who admits he's doing it not for vanity, but to stay with the unit. Mainwaring then shows off his wig, only for Wilson to start laughing uncontrollably. Members of the platoon start to notice odd things about Mainwaring, so when Mainwaring catches Pike trying to look under his hat, he reveals his wig to the entire platoon, and also tells them of the upcoming parade where the Area Commander will decide who will be transferred.

Upon learning of this, Corporal Jones and Private Godfrey visit Private Frazer's funeral parlour late one night and tell him that "If any of the platoon are going to be put in the ARP, it'll be us three cause we're the oldest." Frazer then agrees to perform a makeover on Jones and Godfrey, as well as himself, in order to make them look younger. In the meantime, Chief Warden Hodges is also worried of being put into the Home Guard so he purchases some grey 'hair dye' courtesy of Private Walker, which is actually white ceiling paint mixed with gum arabic. Hodges later showboats this to the platoon, although Walker subtly laughs "Wait till he tries to get it off."

When Mainwaring learns of the drastic measures that Frazer, Jones and Godfrey have gone through in order to stay in the platoon, he does not approve, but states that "it's too late to do anything about it now." After the inspection, in which none of the Home Guard members were selected to join the ARP, Mainwaring is stunned when Colonel Pritchard quietly congratulates Mainwaring for once again demonstrating initiative in a crisis, adding that he didn't see anything. Moments later it begins to rain heavily, causing the make-up on the three soldiers' faces to run.

• The title is a reference to the 1930s showtune of the same name.
• During the scene where Walker vigorously shakes a bottle to mix some 'grey hair dye' for Hodges, he sings "I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi (I Like You Very Much)" — a song performed by Carmen Miranda in the film That Night in Rio (1941).
• Later screenings of this episode have heavily re-edited the scene where Pike, Walker and Godfrey try to pick a volunteer to go into the office to have a look at Captain Mainwaring's new wig, and Pike recites a version of "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe" which includes the racial slur "nigger" in the second line, with Walker getting the 'moe'; Walker then continues the rhyme, "O-U-T spells out, you must go", so Pike ends up being 'it' instead. In the revised version, only the rhyme's opening line is spoken by Pike before he points to Walker and says "It's you, go on." The scene appears intact on the DVD release.

• Arthur Lowe as Captain Mainwaring
• John Le Mesurier as Sergeant Wilson
• Clive Dunn as Lance Corporal Jones
• John Laurie as Private Frazer
• James Beck as Private Walker
• Arnold Ridley as Private Godfrey
• Ian Lavender as Private Pike
• Bill Pertwee as ARP Warden Hodges
• Derek Bond as Minister
• Robert Raglan as Colonel
• James Ottaway as 1st Member of Parliament
• Tom Mennard as Mess Orderly
• Charles Morgan as 2nd Member of Parliament

• Croft, David; Perry, Jimmy; Webber, Richard (2000). The Complete A-Z of Dad’s Army. Orion. ISBN 0-7528-4637-X.

• "Keep Young and Beautiful" at IMDb
• "Keep Young and Beautiful" at TV.com