My Family (series 5)

Susan is lying in bed, bored and depressed, with a broken leg, after Ben accidentally reversed the car into her. When Ben comes upstairs to see how she is they end up discussing their family, which depresses them both. They start arguing when Ben surprises her with a box of Turkish Delight, which he didn't know, she hates. The topic of conversation changes numerous times as they both discuss Nick, Janey and Michael and also reminisce on the arrival of Abi and Roger's pathetic attempts at asking her out. When Ben gets bored and decides to go downstairs he finds he can't, as his back has gone thus he and Susan are both stuck.

Janey returns home, having been thrown out of Manchester University, but tells Ben and Susan she dropped out. However, Susan soon finds out that the Police are looking for her, and then Susan lies when they turn up at the house, but it turns out the policeman (Gareth Ferdinando) turns out to be an old fling. Also, Janey moves into her own flat, to the delight of Ben. Meanwhile, Michael goes religious with a new friend called Hubert (Alex Dawson) and Abi gets involved in naturism thanks to Ben's misguided advice and the fact that he held back information for his own amusement. Also, Ben offers some fatherly advice when it is not needed.

Absent: Roger Bailey JR

Michael gets a "cool" new friend called Jack (Michael Obiora), who gives Michael street cred while he does Jack's homework to his mother's disgust. Jack gets a crush on Susan, which Michael encourages, while Ben simply focuses on the fact that he shares an interest in football and Slade with Jack. However, Jack's interest in Susan begins to bother her up until Ben points out what a life with Susan means – this soon puts him off. Meanwhile, someone's going on a double date, Janey's sharing her fashion tips with Abi, even though she couldn't care less and Michael enjoys being part of the cool crowd although he's not enjoying the additional work.

Ben and Susan flat-sit for their friends Geoff (Simon Kunz) and Stephanie (Caroline Loncq) in the London Docklands, whilst they go on holiday. They have problems with the technology, get lost while looking for the pizza man (Toby Sedgwick), set fire to the TV whilst smashing up the rest of the flat looking for the toilet. Ben then decides that they could swap all the broken stuff from their flat with the unsold flat downstairs but Susan disagrees. When the pizza finally arrives, Ben cannot unlock the door, so the pizza man pushes it through the letter box however it is cold, so Ben heats it up, but it catches fire and they have to throw it out of the window. They later ring up their friends and pretend that there has been a break in and that they got tied up to escape the blame.

Roger becomes depressed when Abi starts going out with a man called Steve (Ben Homewood), so Ben and Susan try to help Roger get a girlfriend so he can make Abi jealous. However, Roger ends up with an escort girl (Lucy Punch) who charges him two hundred pounds an hour. Meanwhile, Abi is being mistreated by her boyfriend as he is making her clean his house and clean out the drains. Also, Michael gets the house valued and starts to show people around much to his parents' disbelief, whilst Roger reveals that he actually likes using escorts because there is absolutely no commitment, which suits him just fine. Ben and Susan soon realise that they must try to protect Roger.

Following the death of Susan's best friend Linda, she thinks about mortality. A website that she checks then gives Ben sixty-seven weeks to live, so he decides to write a will and makes Roger Michael's guardian if Ben dies. Also, Nick comes back from travelling on the Circle Line for six months, and gets a job as an Official Mourner at a local undertakers, which he loses when he steals a coffin, crashes three hearses and embalms his own leg. Meanwhile, Janey plans to be a rich woman and Abi becomes a rich woman when Ben reveals that he is going to leave everything to her when he dies.

Absent: Kenzo Harper

Susan gets fed up with doing all the housework, so she hires a super-efficient cleaner called Martha (Vicki Pepperdine). However, Susan soon feels redundant and much to Ben's annoyance, she says Martha has to go, which means that Ben has the job of firing her but when he finds out that Susan has been deliberately messing up the house he decides to keep her on. Meanwhile, Michael gets interested in football to impress a girl and Abi learns the dictionary, with Roger's help, to get a job at the college library. Also, Ben hires Martha so that she can clean his surgery however when Susan finds out he is forced the sack her again, so Roger hires her.

Mr Addis (Gerard Horan), a patient of Ben's, confesses to murdering his wife (Suzanne Burden) while under sedation so Susan uses her new-found interest in Inspector Morse to prove he committed the crime much to Ben's dismay. Also, Michael claims his new girlfriend (Ulla van Zeller) is a supermodel, although nobody believes him. Meanwhile, Susan's investigation gets out of hand when she breaks into Mr Addis' house. However, Susan is confronted by his wife who sits her down and eventually breaks conversation with her. She reveals that her husband has problems with crime dramas. She admits that he has been watching A Touch of Frost much too often.

Ben's snoring starts to keep Susan awake so as first attempt at getting him to stop she sews tennis balls to the back of his top but Ben simply refuses to wear it, so they sleep in separate rooms, which puts the whole house under pressure. Meanwhile, Abi begins to think that she is the cause of Ben and Susan's unhappiness whilst a chat to with Ben seems to only confirm her worst fears. Also, Janey becomes a personal shopper for the other family members and changes Michael and Abi's wardrobes against their will. But something weird is about to conclude all the mayhem – Ben is about to display some happiness.

Colin Judd (Peter Capaldi), a famous Hollywood actor, comes to Ben's surgery, much to Ben's delight. But before the actor's second visit, Ben hurts his back. Roger begins treating the actor and all of Ben's famous patients—including Jude Law and Kevin Spacey—and is invited to a special celebrity film-wrap party, which leaves Ben distraught. Susan—sacked as tour guide—reapplies for the job to maintain her pride, but she finds that she must revise first. Michael is doing history coursework. Ben, left alone in the house in his paralysed state, struggles to help himself—all he wants is a glass of water: but has everyone actually left the house?

When Susan gets bored with her predictable life, she finds herself life swapping with Janey for a week. With Susan living at Janey's flat and Janey moving into the Harper household trouble isn't that distant. Ben then moves into his dental surgery and he and Susan recreate their first date, whilst Janey goes mad pretending she is a housewife with an imaginary husband much to Michael and Abi's fear. Also, Abi brings her boyfriend, Michael, around but he soon leaves after hearing some poisonous rumours about Abi from Michael. Meanwhile, Ben struggles to enjoy his people-free life style and soon wants to return home, but does Susan?

Janey gets engaged to Ches Rochester (Danny Webb), a nightclub owner who is old enough to be her father, whom she has only known 10 days, but a psychic told her she would meet the love of her life at a wedding. They marry two weeks later at his house and Susan is worried about Ben giving the "father of the bride" speech. Meanwhile, Michael's girlfriend Molly (Verity Dearsley) is into long-term plans. At the wedding, Grace and Ches' father (Freddie Davies) dance together, while Michael and Hubert sell the wedding presents on eBay. But, shortly after marrying, Janey goes off with a waiter called Lars (Mathew Bose) and asks for a divorce. Meanwhile, Nick is sending videos to Ben and Susan claiming to be destitute in the Far East and asks for money. Guest starring Edna Doré.

There is a thunderstorm going on, and after being scared Michael and Janey join Ben and Susan in their bedroom. They are soon joined by Nick who, thanks to now being a party reviewer, brings with him Adam Hart-Davis, Anthony Head, Myleene Klass, Nell McAndrew, Dermot Murnaghan, Clive Russell and Jamie Theakston.

Susan is organising a third birthday for Kenzo, partly to make up for the fact she got forgot Janey's third birthday, and wants Janey to bring the father. She wants to hire an expensive clown, but Ben secretly asks Roger to do it instead. However, on the day, Christmas Eve, Roger gets drunk so Ben has to do it instead. Meanwhile, Welsh musician Alfie Butts (Rhodri Meilir), a friend of Nick's, turns up and Susan insists he stay. Ben finds a £1200 ring which he thinks is for him from Susan, but is actually from Grace to her toyboy (John Burgess), so he goes out and buys Susan a £1200 first edition of Mrs Dalloway. Also, Michael gets a Christmas job as a postman and Abi becomes a beautician.