Customs and etiquette in Japanese dining

Many restaurants and homes in Japan are equipped with Western-style chairs and tables. However, traditional Japanese low tables and cushions, usually found on tatami floors, are also very common. Tatami mats, which are made of straw, can be easily damaged and are hard to clean, thus shoes or any type of footwear are always taken off when stepping on tatami floors.[6]

When dining in a traditional tatami room, sitting upright on the floor is common. In a casual setting, men usually sit with their feet crossed and women sit with both legs to one side. Only men are supposed to sit cross-legged. The formal way of sitting for both sexes is a kneeling style known as seiza. To sit in a seiza position, one kneels on the floor with legs folded under the thighs and the buttocks resting on the heels.[6]

When dining out in a restaurant, the customers are guided to their seats by the host. The honored or eldest guest will usually be seated at the center of the table farthest from the entrance. In the home, the most important guest is also seated farthest away from the entrance. If there is a tokonoma, or alcove, in the room, the guest is seated in front of it. The host sits next to or closest to the entrance.[7]

In Japan, it is customary to say itadakimasu ("I [humbly] receive") before starting to eat a meal.[8] When saying itadakimasu, both hands are put together in front of the chest or on the lap. Itadakimasu is preceded by complimenting the appearance of food. The Japanese attach as much importance to the aesthetic arrangement of the food as its actual taste. Before touching the food, it is polite to compliment the host on his artistry. It is also a polite custom to wait for the eldest guest at the table to start eating before the other diners start. Another customary and important etiquette is to say go-chisō-sama deshita ("It was a feast") to the host after the meal and the restaurant staff when leaving.[9]

Before eating, most dining places provide either a hot or cold towel or a plastic-wrapped wet napkin (o-shibori). This is for cleaning hands before eating (and not after). It is rude to use them to wash the face or any part of the body other than the hands, though some Japanese men use their o-shibori to wipe their faces in less formal places. Accept o-shibori with both hands when handed the towel by a server. When finished, fold or roll up the oshibori and place it on the table. It is impolite to use o-shibori towels to wipe any spills on the table.[10]

Soy sauce (shōyu) is not usually poured over most foods at the table; a dipping dish is usually provided. Soy sauce is, however, meant to be poured directly onto tōfu and grated daikon dishes, and in the raw egg when preparing tamago kake gohan ("egg on rice").

Japanese style chopsticks (お箸) are placed on a chopsticks rest (箸置き)

The proper usage of chopsticks (hashi) is the most important table etiquette in Japan. There are many traditions and perceptions surrounding the use of chopsticks (はし, hashi). Chopsticks are never left sticking vertically into rice, as this behaviour, which is called Tate-bashi (たて箸; たてばし), resembles incense sticks (which are usually placed vertically in sand during offerings to the dead). This may easily offend some Japanese people. Using chopsticks to spear food is also frowned upon and it is considered very bad manners to bite chopsticks. Other important perceptions to remember include the following:[11]

• Hold chopsticks towards their end, and not in the middle or the front third.
• Chopsticks not in use should be laid down in front of the meal with the tip to the left. This is also the correct position in which to place chopsticks after the meal's conclusion.
• Do not pass food with chopsticks directly to somebody else's chopsticks. This technique, which is called Hiroi-bashi (拾い箸; ひろいばし), is only used at funerals, where the bones of the cremated body of the dead person are passed from person to person in this manner. When passing food to someone else during a meal (a questionable practice in public), one should pick up the food with one's own chopsticks, reversing the chopsticks to use the end which were not in direct contact with the handler's mouth, and place it on a small plate, allowing the recipient to retrieve it (with the recipient's own chopsticks). If no other utensils are available while sharing plates of food, the ends of the chopsticks are used to retrieve the shared food. Mismatched chopsticks are not to be used.
• Do not move chopsticks around in the air too much and play with them.
• Do not move around plates or bowls with chopsticks.
• Do not hover or wave chopsticks over the dishes set on a table (which often is done by mistake to choose which food to eat first). This behaviour, in Japanese called Mayoi-bashi (迷い箸; まよいばし), is perceived as inappropriate, as this portrays the personality of impatience and greedy in the context of Japanese dining etiquette.[12] To avoid, it is important to decide which food to eat before using chopsticks to move the food onto a plate.
• To separate a piece of food into two pieces, exert controlled pressure on the chopsticks while moving them apart from each other.
• Do not place chopsticks so that they point at someone else. This is perceived as a symbolic threat.[13][14][15]
• To make sure that any sauce or liquid attached to the food does not drip from the food or chopsticks, food which has been dipped into a soy sauce or similar kind should not be carried with chopsticks; this taboo is called Namida-bashi (涙箸; なみだばし).[16] It is considered to be immature and unclean when the sauce or liquid from the food is dripped on the table.
• Put the chopsticks onto the table before talking and do not use the chopsticks to gesture or point during conversation.

Chopsticks should, after being picked up with one hand, be held firm while considering three key points, that the thumb is placed just like how a pencil is held, ensure the thumb is touched with the upper part of the chopstick. Another part of the chopstick, the lower part is stood still and rest in the index finger. Make sure that arm is relaxed so it forms a gentle curve.[17]

The traditional perception supposes a diner to hold the chopsticks (hashi) in the right hand and with the left hand pick up the bowl so that it is close to the mouth, but should not touch it by the mouth except when drinking soup. Eating with the chopsticks in the left hand or without a hand picking up the bowl (except for larger types of dishes which are normally not supposed to be picked up) is traditionally perceived as improper table manners. However, that perception has started to fade away in modern time. The Japanese customarily slurp noodle soup dishes like ramen, udon, and soba. When slurping noodles quickly, the soup supposedly clings to the noodles, making the dish more flavourful.

When taking food from a communal dish, unless they are family or very close friends, one should turn the chopsticks around to grab the food; it is considered more sanitary. Alternatively, one could have a separate set of chopsticks for communal dishes.[18]

It is customary to eat rice to the last grain. Being a picky eater is frowned upon, and it is not customary to ask for special requests or substitutions at restaurants. It is considered ungrateful to make these requests especially in circumstances where one is being hosted, as in a business dinner environment. After eating, try to move all dishes back to the same position they were at the start of the meal. This includes replacing the lids on dishes and putting one's chopsticks on the chopstick holder or back into their paper slip. Good manners dictate that one respects the selections of the host. However, this can be set aside for a diner with allergies such as a peanut allergy, or a religious prohibition against certain foods like pork.

Even in informal situations, drinking alcohol starts with a toast (kanpai, 乾杯) when everyone is ready. Do not start drinking until everybody is served and has finished the toast. It is not customary to pour oneself a drink; rather, people are expected to keep each other's drinks topped up. When someone moves to pour one's drink, one should hold one's glass with both hands and thank the pourer.

If a series of small foods are served, it is important to fully finish off one dish prior to moving on to the next one. However, it is not considered to be compulsory to complete the entire dishes, especially the broth from ramen or similar kinds.[19] Before starting to eat a meal, saying itadakimasu, a polite phrase meaning "I receive this food", is a way to show gratitude towards the person that prepared the meal. This can be done in a praying motion, which is gathering both hands together, or more simply, by bowing the head. Upon finishing the meal, gratitude is expressed again by saying gochisō sama deshita, meaning "it was quite a feast".[20] The dishes or plates should be placed back to their original position after the meal.

Japanese dining etiquette has distinctive characteristics in general, as follows.[21]

• Chopsticks are used in every meal.
• When eating, plates are picked up and held at chest-level except when the size of a plate is too large to do so.
• When drinking soup, the soup is drunk up from the bowl that is held straight, as an alternative to scooping the soup with a spoon.
• Finishing what is on a plate is viewed as a polite act.
• It is prohibited to rest an elbow on a table.

An Oshibori or hot towel is placed above a traditional Japanese plate.

Oshibori, or also known as a wet towel, is a small white hand towel that had previously been soaked in clean water and wrung out to have it in a damped condition. In Japan, it is served in most of the dining places in the form that it is folded and rolled up.[22] Either a hot or cold towel is served depending on the season. As for the dining etiquette, use the provided Oshibori to clean both hands, before starting a meal. It is only used to wipe out hands and therefore it should not be used to wipe face or used for other purposes, as it is considered impolite.[23]

When it comes to drinking alcoholic beverages in Japan, there are several points to keep in mind. The person who first pours the alcoholic drink in the glasses of others, the person should be holding the bottle of the alcoholic drink with both hands simultaneously. The person who receives the pouring must hold the cup firmly, and politely ask whether or not the person who just served would want to have poured back after the pouring has finished.[24] When drinking with a group, hold on from drinking until each glass is filled up. To celebrate drinking with the group, shout out the word Kanpai (lit. cheers) while raising the glass at the same time, this word is shouted with the group simultaneously. When hosts empty their glasses, others should attempt to do the same thing as well.[25]

If a Japanese food contains clams, it is common to find empty clam shells placed in different bowls after one finishes the meal. However, this is regarded as an impolite deed in Japan, the empty clam shells should be placed inside the bowl where the food was originally served. A deed of leaving chopsticks on the table after a meal occurs frequently. However, in Japan, it may signal that the meal has not been finished, and therefore it is suggested to place the chopsticks sideways across the plate or bowl when the meal is finished.[26] Talking too much when dining is not very appropriate, and maintaining some silence while eating a meal is valued, hence avoid forcing unnecessary conversation when eating with someone.[27]

When eating ramen or similar types, it is acceptable to make slurping sounds as it is the way to express appreciation for the meal and to strengthen the flavour of ramen.[32] Noodles are cooled and hence enhances the flavour during the slurping process.[33] However, making eating sounds of munching and burping are not very favourable as it may displease people around. The general Japanese ramen etiquette postulates that ramen should be eaten by using both chopsticks and spoon. The noodles and toppings on ramen should be eaten with chopsticks while the soup should be drunk with a spoon.[34]

A picture of nigiri-sushi and shoyu is placed next to the sushi plate.

Sushi is one of the most famous dishes of Japan, which comes with many different varieties, and therefore there is a certain dining etiquette to follow. It is allowed to eat sushi with bare hands, however, sashimi is eaten with chopsticks.[35] When shoyu (lit. soy sauce) is served together with nigiri-sushi (lit. sushi with a fish topping), pick up the sushi and dip the part of the fish topping into the shoyu, not the part of rice. Having rice to absorb shoyu too much would change the original taste of the nigiri-sushi, and trying to dip rice into the shoyu may also cause the whole sushi to fall apart, consequently dropping rice on to the shoyu plate. An appearance of rice floating around on the shoyu plate is not considered as a taboo in Japanese culture; however, it may leave a bad impression by doing so.[25] In a case when shoyu has to be poured into a bowl, pour only a tiny amount since pouring a large portion may waste an unnecessary amount of shoyu, which is one of the serious taboos in Japan.[36]

A typical home made Bentō lunch box. It usually contains rice and a variety of side dishes that go well with rice.

Bentō, boxed meals in Japan, are very common and constitute an important ritual during lunch. The preparation of these meals begins around the time children reach nursery school. The parents of these children take special care when preparing meals for their children. They arrange the food in the order by which it will be consumed. A bentō may appear decorative, but it should be consumed in its entirety.[37]

A bentō is judged by how well it is prepared. Parents are almost expected to "show off" their accomplishment in making the lunch. They are preparing for their child, but the results are observed by the other children and the nursery school, and this leads to a sort of competition between parents.

Because the appearance of food is important in Japan, the parents must be sure to arrange the bentō in an attractive way.[37] A parent may prepare a leaf cut-out in fall or cut an orange into the shape of a flower if the season is summer. It is not uncommon to see seven different courses within a bentō.

Parents are also encouraged to prepare what the children will enjoy eating. If the child does not like what the parent has prepared, then he/she will most likely not consume it, going against the rule that “it must be consumed in its entirety.”[37]